dunno what to say

sometimes you know what you have to do and what you want to do but at other times are you really sure of yourself? clear outlines get fuzzy when events rock your boat...
i ask this to myself and more often than not i get the reply that i really donot know. every body has their share of problems, their share of troubles; not everybody can deal with them like a few others who are stronger than you. you feel sad, you feel terrible, i feel terrible....wish i was like them. true, happiness is something that you have to make for yourself, but what if the people with whom your happiness lies are just not agreeing to be happy? i realized, very late perhaps, that there is a BIG difference between thinking and being completely happy.

there are only a handful people in my life whom i really care for, love to care for but somehow most of them just donot care for me.

everyone loves to stay happy but why does happiness run away the moment it comes to me?

i donot want to dwell on this anymore, it makes me sick to think that i of all people am talking like this.

i have taken a resolve, to look through matters, to avoid till i can address them, to build up my resistance, to do what i have to do, to..... a lot of things.... you would get tired reading this.

but anyway, i feel good after writing this, thank you for being such a patient reader; i am a terrible writer but please bear with me.
:)